Radio silence March 8, 2013
I got careless and clicked on an icon to become her friend
on Facebook from a site that had allowed me to access some of her postings.
It was something had had been concerned about previously
because on the small screen the icon to log out was near where the friend icon was,
and I clicked on the second when I meant to click on the first.
Dr. Thomas would dispute my claim of this being an accident,
maintaining that I had some unconscious desire to reveal myself to her, perhaps
in the vain hope she might have forgiven me my past transgressions.
If so, it was a vain hope, even unconsciously, which became
evident when my handheld device ceased having access it had had the day before,
although I still had access that night on another computer – only to become
completely cut off by morning.
While I haven’t had access to her inner realm (those parts
of her page accessible only to those she accepted as friend), she had displayed
enough information on her public page to allow me to read some of the poems and
see some of the photographs she posted there.
The accident resulted in her shutting down even these things
down in an apparent knee jerk reaction, suggesting she did not know I had been
following her, or as punishment for my violating some unspoken taboo by making
the accidental request.
This was by far worse than a month ago when she discovered
that we were still connected via my alternate Facebook account through a mutual
friend, and she blocked that account.
She apparently discovered the accidental friend request either
late at night or early in the morning and did not have time to react properly
until she got back from work where she began to dismantle her front page to
provide the least amount of information possible.
I didn’t discover the reason for the shut down until much
later when I realized I had made the request, by which time it was too late to
take the request back. I had done exactly what I had vowed not to do, confirming
something she only may have suspected, thus springing the trap on myself.
With the damage already done, I did the only thing I could
do, I shut down the alternative Facebook page after stripping it of all relevant
information, hoping she had not thought to take a screenshot of the request to
add to body of “evidence” she had collected over the summer.
If nothing else, this will feed her paranoia, and act as
proof to her friends that she wasn’t wrong about me.
She, of course, won’t shut down her site, needing it as a
valuable tool to keep her connected with other people. But this incident will
likely piss her off because it limits the information, she can post for other
people to read or see.
It will be curious to see how long she can maintain radio
silence and bring the site back on line – at least, minimally.
But the incident exposes me in an uncomfortable way, even
though she may not know how to read it.
Why on earth would I be so bold as to ask to be her Facebook
friend, when I know she already hates me.
Dr. Thomas is turning over in his grave.
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