Monkey wrench man July 30, 2012

  

Will she, or won’t she?

That is the question.  Have we reached her limit of tolerance after my wishing her a happy birthday on her birthday?

It is put up or shut up time, make good on the threat or stop threatening. But she’s not the kind to shut up. So, I have to wonder if this is finally the end of the road? I either comply or see my life in ruins.

The whole texting exchange whether with her alone pretending to be other people or with her actual family members was an utter over reaction, but also an attempt to continue to build a case against me she didn’t have before.

I set myself up because I wanted revenge for the arrogance of her poem, when my best course of action would have been simply to have written an equally scathing poem. But as Mary Ann, my oldest and dearest friend, pointed out after I showed her the text exchange, “You’ve never been one to take the safe road about anything.”

Revenge has a price. And now we’ve come to the point of cease and desist or cease to exist.

As Mary Ann also pointed out, I hate seeing anyone getting away with something.

“You’re a monkey wrench kind of guy, Al,” she said. “You’ve always tried to screw up the works.”

Yet whatever plans she has for the future, she’s destined to fail – just as she has always failed, desperate for control she is never able to maintain, and not just because she’s had monkey wrench guys like me in her life before, but because of some inner flaw of her own.

Her life seems to be a reliance on some external threat from which she needs to be protected, and so if she doesn’t have someone like her New York stalker in her life, then she’d have to invent a new one – as she apparently tried with me.

Hopefully, she feels safer now, more confident, so that she can plunge ahead with her plans, leaving me as a bystander to watch the eventual train wreck when it comes.

Being a monkey wreck person is also a pain in the ass, because it is much easier just to go along, let the inevitable happen, avoiding the drama of conflict that can only end badly for everybody involved.

We both know that my wishing her a happy birthday was not a genuine expression of affection, but a statement of defiance, a response to her arrogant ending to her forgiveness poem, a one-big fuck-you which ultimately left me vulnerable and without leverage.

I’m at her mercy and she knows it – even if the so-called documents or evidence she has is bullshit.

The question is: will she or won’t she go in for the kill?


2012 menu


email to Al Sullivan

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Taking control Aug. 2, 2012

Image
The poem she posted today echoes in tone if not in content that of her quicksand poem. While as short at the previous poem, this poem about compassion is much more structured, using parallel phrasing to give it power and impact. Yet despite its brevity, it is incredibly complex, and creates a number of possible alternative interpretations, depending partly on for whom the poem is written. My ego (my narcissistic self as she referred to me in an earlier poem) would like to think the poem is directed at me, and so like the poem about quicksand, offers a certain measure of condolence or compassion for a clearly defeated man. But the poem may well also be directed at herself, about the idea of compassion or perhaps pain. While the overtly it claims to be about compassion, in fact, the poem goes beyond both pain and compassion and may well allude of a philosophy of survival. As with the quick sand poem, this poem seems to be offering advice, although less fatalistic. The most
Read more

Reflections of Coelho March 2, 2013

Image
    At some point in all of this mixed up, jumbled up world of hers, she posted a saying by Paulo Coelho, which said, “If you’re brave to say ‘Good Bye’ life will reward you with a new ‘Hello’.” Coelho de, born in August, 1947is a Brazilian lyricist and novelist and a member of the Brazilian Academy of Letters since 2002. Coelho wrote the best-selling novel, 'The Alchemist,' which sold 35 million copies and is the most translated book in the world by a living author. He has been frequently described as an author that “thrives on contradictions and extremes,” which may well be why she is attracted to him, and why she recently got into the role of Mata Hari in her real life, perhaps influenced by Coelho’s fictional take on the well-known temptress and spy. Born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Coelho attended Jesuit schools and was raised by devout Catholic parents. He was obsessed at an early age with the idea of becoming a writer, something his parents frowned on, and his i
Read more

Who needs a man when she has Netflix? Sunday, February 8, 2013

Image
   None of this can be about me – although her posting and other internet moves seem to indicate that I am somehow involved. For instance, she deleted all of her likes, comments and personal uploaded videos of her brother, mother and friend from high school from the YouTube account to which I am subscribed. This may simply be coincidence since it is clear that she is in the middle of a romantic falling out with someone, most likely RR, in which she has an ongoing exchange – or at least, I hope so. Yesterday morning, she posted an image that says, “I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair, I don’t like your lies.” Again, this may well be a pattern of her life, always engaging in the same conversation with people, but part of my conversation with her involved her telling me things about her other romantic and sexual engagements, and something I asked about with our former temporary boss. But since she tends not share information in that way, this probably has to
Read more