Ripped open July 11, 2012

  

I knew exactly what I was going when I sent her the email last Friday morning, not so much declaring open war with her, but with the man she had taken on as mentor and whom I felt betrayed by after I had poured out my heart and soul about her to him.

I still feel he lied to me about his involvement with her after I had completely confessed everything to him about everything that had gone on between me and her.

I guess I expected camaraderie rather than deception, a kind of mutual understanding, when all he seemed to do was run for cover.

I still don’t know for sure. But his circumstances and mine were so similar and his reaction so overwhelming secretive, the whole thing felt wrong, and it nagged at me ever since our meeting in the park.

Maybe his interest is only about helping for shape a young talent as he claims.

But he was not the same person he had been during his first tour as our temporary boss as he was the most recent tour, and this may or may not been a result of her.

Much of the positive sense he’d had during his first tour had turned bitter during his second. While we remained close, two men against a clearly corrupt management, he became even more secretive and distant after I spilled my guts to him in the park.

I don’t know for a fact that he is one of the select people she invites up to Cloud 9; I only suspect is and suspect he won’t share his confidence with me as I had mine.

I am not privy to those private texts between she and him and can only speculate that they may be similar to those she exchanged with me.

Maybe down deep I’m a bit jealous, too, having been cast out of Eden, and resent those who still have the privilege to remaining there.

I got the feeling none of us – me, him or our male owner – are supposed to know about each other in regard to her.

I hated the secrecy; I wanted the whole thing exposed so that all involved could see just all who were involved.

Tom’s comments in Liberty State Park last week still haunt me, and I wonder if there is any truth to what he said. Are members of the cabala using her to get inside our company?

All the secrecy bothers me, his, hers as well as the usual office politics that has left me out of the loop and exiled in the Annex even though back in February before all this came up, I had requested to come north again.

I was denied. Another got the slot instead.

I raised the question again in the park with him and how safe it was considering the climate with her. Since he was no longer in a position to deny me, he suggested I be careful and make sure I act completely professional if I managed convince the owners to let me make the move.

The email to her said as much, how he thought it would be safe for me to come north provided I kept my distance.

But I knew this carried another more lethal message, telling her he and I had talked about her.

I knew this even as I hit the send button, knew I had betrayed him to her, and only regretted it after it was too late to take it back.

 

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