Back to that? February 20, 2013

 


It appears that the poem she posted first on her Facebook page and later on her blog may not be new at all, but something she dug out of her archive – invalidating many of the assumptions I made in my previous journal entry.

But she is clearly sending a message, wanting someone in her close circle of friends to read it, although it is impossible to tell just who she intended.

If it is an old poem as she indicated when posting it on her Facebook page, then she continues to struggle with the same issues as she has in the past, perhaps with another married man, but is posting the poem now to communicate the same message she needed to express back then, how she got drawn in, and how she lost herself in the process, and how perhaps she deceives herself.

This poem seems much more direct than some of her more cryptic ones.

As pointed in my other journal entry, she’s scared to pursue a course of action that could destroy the life of the person she is attracted to. She sees it as her choice to make, but the consequences will be shouldered by both of them.

The poem opens with her pondering what she should do next, and to figure out just when all of it started, and to try to define what “it” is in the first place – an affair, a fling, a romance or perhaps even true love.

But she clearly does not see this as a typical affair.

She is possessed by that all too short a night, innocent fumbling “of sweetness and force” that makes it much more difficult to define what it is.

What she means by “force” is beyond me, since she also said it is innocent, the teenage sort, and full of “over respect.”

In other words, he was too much of a gentleman which only make her all the more curious.

And yet, if she pursues it, pushes this to become something more intense, she risks destroying his life (as pointed out in the previous journal entry – his marriage). She knows the choice is not hers alone and yet, she feels powerless to do what she knows is right and true when she clearly wants this person.

Taken in context with other people she has recently posted, this poem is apparently sending a message to someone, perhaps encouraging him to make the first move and stop being overly respectful.

The fact that the poem comes out of her archive says she’s been here before, and you have to wonder what the outcome was the last time.

 

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